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Rather, here are 3 tips to help you communicate more effectively from the verbal aspect:

1. Don’t be Too Self-Conscious

When I was a magazine editor, I was invited to many red carpet events and cocktails where I had to rub shoulders with the rich and well-known. Initially I dreaded those events, because I was not comfortable at making small talk with these people.

Then a fantastic truth dawned on me – to be a excellent conversationalist, we simply had to be a fantastic listener. We had to be genuinely interested in what the other person had to say, question the right questions (because we genuinely wanted to know more) and presto, people will laud us as fantastic communicators!

It’s often our own self-consciousness that makes us tongue-tied and awkward. We are so pre-occupied with what intelligent thought to share next, that we can barely concentrate on listening to and understanding the other party.

2. Empathize with Others

The other block to excellent communication is non-empathy. We are sometimes so intent on putting our thoughts across that we forget to be sensitive or empathetic to the other person. Is the person in a rush, or does he or she have other matters on his or her mind?

A excellent example is when we want to sell an thought to our boss: is he or she rushing for another meeting? Or perhaps he or she has just got some flak from his or her boss or a customer and is simply in a lousy mood.

My personality type tends towards being results-oriented, so this was an area that I was weak in. Now I’ve learnt to be more sensitive and to always question: Is it a excellent time to talk? Or: Do you have half an hour to discuss…?

3. Have Clarity

This comes from lack of clarity in our thoughts as well as our verbal communication. It starts from our thoughts: are we quite clear in our minds what is the message we wish to convey? From there, we go on to effective choice of words. Some people may have a language problem: they may be thinking in their mother language, say Mandarin, and trying to express their thoughts in a language they are not comfortable with, say English.

Learn to organize your thoughts. Before making an vital presentation, list down the points you want to make in a logical sense. If language is a challenge, then I suggest you write your thoughts down in proper sentences and question a friend to go through for you. I’m not saying you should read from your paper or memorise the “speech” but just writing it down and reading it a few times will help you a fantastic deal in putting your message across.

Many people thought as long as they speak fluently, they are excellent communicators. Not so, as those of you who have had to listen to someone go on and on about themselves, will testify. They may be such eloquent speakers, and even entertaining at times, but there’s only so much we can take in a one-way communication. I’m sure some of you have been in a situation where you just wish you were somewhere else after 20 minutes!

The highest level of communication which I personally would strive for as a communicator is what is known as persuasive communication. This takes place when the person we are communicating with, 1) understands what we want to say, 2) feels what we are feeling and is then 3) motivated to take action on what we have said. Effective communication may stop small at (2); the listener may not necessarily want to do something about what he or she has just heard.

One skill that can help you go from effective to persuasive communication is that of asking questions. This is a powerful skill that once you have mastered it, will indeed help you see immediate results in your daily communication – be it sales, presentation of thoughts, talking to your friends or simply getting your child to do what you want! Watch out for my article on the of Asking Questions.
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